took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
