We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
