he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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