I want to make a zoo with you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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