Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
