from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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