you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
