were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
