This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I looked at my own cervix.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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