You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
