giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She's the barista slut.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
