Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
