whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
