I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
