Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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