I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
