The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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