She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
