So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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