I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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