i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize