You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
