So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
