Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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