He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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