My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
