Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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