She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
