Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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