So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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