"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
