just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
