things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
