my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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