well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
