So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
