I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
