..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize