I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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