No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
