you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
