I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
