2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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