The maid of honor just puked.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think my vagina is haunted
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
