Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
