life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
