Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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