Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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