just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
