I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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