I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize