either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
