Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
