Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
