so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm bleeding and have questions
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
