im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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