There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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