you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
