Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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