maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This is the high leading the old right now
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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