When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
