The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
