and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
