I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
