I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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