he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
