Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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