My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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