she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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