u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
