she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
