I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How external is "for external use only"?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
