remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
